television (including the bachelor rant)

i love tv.
i also hate tv.

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csi miami
i could sit and watch this for months on end. i could watch it so long that 1 day i might just jump up from the couch grab aimee's camera, some medical gloves and a breifcase and start asking caruso and delko if they detected any trace evidence or gsr at the scene. you never know, maybe they need help running the prints through the afis!












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24
if jack bower needed help - you know i'd be there. hang on though jack, i forgot to grab my cell phone that has a never ending battery life, 3million megapixel camera, laser pointer, coffee dispenser, missile guidance system and speaker phone. i think i left it next to my water-board.








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california's gold with huell howser
...so what-cher sayin' is...
...this is thee most bee-you-tee-ful place...
...John Doe here is a member of thee local historical so-ci-ety. Can yoo tell us why this place is soo significant to Cali-forn-ia?
this is quite possibly the best show ever!








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ok...now the hate part. the bachelor.
(sorry aimee and _____! you know who you are)

this show reminds me of something...what is it?
oh yeah, i remember...every weekend night in chico ca (thursday, friday, saturday, sunday) at insert here bar. (normal street/lasalles/the bear/mr lucky/u-bar/crazy horse/rileys/towne lounge/oasis/etc). the same thing happens on the show as in the bars: stupid, horny, egotistical people fight, kiss (slurp-slurp - yes, unfortunatly i have watched multiple seasons of this damn show) and back-stab. wow, thats sound like great tv you say. well it gets old, fast! i admit that when it is the guys hunting the gal version, the show tends to be more entertaining because most of the guys don't take themselves seriously. However, after the first few episodes the opposite arrangement of women on the prowl, my attention span dies. Its as if I have adhd with this show.

oh yeah, it's also on at the same time 24 is.
furthermore, if you think that each season of the bachelor isn't pre-set to record on the Fredy's dvr in at least 1 year in advance, you don't know my wife very well. (there is another person whom i imagine falls into a similar category as above, however, because i enjoy living, i will not mention here)

Jason is so nice and polite. He really has good family values and loves his son so much. He is the perfect guy!

If I was single and paraded my child around on a tv show about me hooking-up with a plethora of women, i would kick my own ass! i would have to drop my child off at his/her therapy session before i showed up to my own. i would disguise myself as alf and put a cat costume on my child and we would sit on a park bench muttering about them and that they are coming, just so people would leave us alone and never find out our true, embarrassing identity!

and finally, dear abc and the bachelor:
i, for one, don't think that you bachelor doo-doo is coming out smelling like a rose!

machine gun farts & stink of the homeless

This post post should work as the perfect glimpse into what it is like to be me; Husband, father, pet-owner, home-owner, blah, blah, blah. Enjoy!

Over the past week, several conversations between my wife & I stand out in my mind. Some conversations were about safety issues with having a new born & a 2 year old head-butting terrorist, some conversations hovered around the standard topic of bills, some of these conversations even consisted of "The Bachelor" TV show (much more on this later!). The commonality these conversations share are that these issues will all work themselves out naturally and will eventually fade from memory.

Two conversations won't ever fade!

#1
The first mind-bending conversation being, my wife casually stating in a phone call, "Did you know that your son smelled like a homeless man this morning?"

I am not sure what the correct response is for that but I remember blurting out, "Why...no. I was unaware of that."

#2
The second conversation that sticks in my mind like a dog eating a peanut butter sandwich was more of an occurrence. Several nights ago my wife grumbled something about what she ate that upset her stomach, and in turn upset our week & a half old daughter's stomach as well. Within seconds, what sounded like the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan erupted. Rapid-fire, machine gun farts, from my sweet, innocent 17" long daughter!

Again, I am not sure what the correct response is for that situation, but my reaction was to laugh my ass off.

Welcome to my point of view!

The Constitution of the United Family of Fredy

Me the dad of the United Family of Fredy, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice (do what I say not what I do), insure domestic tranquility (don't tell your mom but...), provide for the common defense (the dog didn't do anything to you), promote the general welfare (the salad isn't gonna eat itself), and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity (you are sentenced to your room until further notice), do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United Family of Fredy.

Article I [The Legislative Branch]

Mom makes the rule. I enforce them.

Article II [The Presidency]
I would like to say that's me, but we all know who the real boss is!

Article III [The Judiciary]
What ever I say goes! Unless mom says otherwise.

Article IV [The States]

Mike, Aimée, Onyx, Minkie & Bebe.

Article V [The Amendment Process]

Are you kidding me? There is no amendment process! If you don't like it go sit in your room!

Article VI [Legal Status of the Constitution]

These are the rules. No questioning mom and dad.

Article VII [Ratification]

Again, refer to Article V.

Signers

Me, father and grunt of the Fredy family.

Amendments

Cole

Siena